Why men don't want to get married

There are many con­ve­nient answers to this ques­tion. For exam­ple, why not say that men do not want to mar­ry because they are afraid of los­ing their usu­al free­dom? Or why not add that men don’t want to get mar­ried because they don’t want to be bound by only one sex­u­al part­ner? After all, why not assume that men do not want to mar­ry because they already have one failed mar­riage to their cred­it?

How­ev­er, this is what con­fus­es me per­son­al­ly. There have always been unsuc­cess­ful mar­riages, always a man was con­sid­ered a polyg­a­mous indi­vid­ual, and he always sought to pre­serve his free­dom. How­ev­er, he mar­ried, had chil­dren, and took respon­si­bil­i­ty for his fam­i­ly. Research sug­gests that men have only active­ly avoid­ed fam­i­ly ties in the last 40 years, pre­fer­ring the easy option of sim­ple cohab­i­ta­tion.

Ignor­ing the above answers to the ques­tion of why men do not want to mar­ry, I will offer my own, start­ing from the word “cohab­i­ta­tion”. Or, as it is now fash­ion­able to voice it, “civ­il mar­riage”. I can some­how under­stand that in the days of the NEP, for trade union activists in red scarves tied behind them, civ­il mar­riage was an inspired break­ing of bour­geois foun­da­tions. Anoth­er coun­try, anoth­er time. But explain to me why these cohab­i­ta­tions are nec­es­sary for mod­ern girls.

I under­stand when a law­ful hus­band flash­es before my eyes around the clock. But to endure 24 hours a day the flash­ing of an out­sider who can fade at any moment, and to whom you must wash and iron socks, shorts, shirts?

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Ay! Dear girls, dear women, fel­low ladies! You don’t have to be so acces­si­ble — so as not to rack your brains at night over why he doesn’t want to mar­ry you. A man nev­er appre­ci­at­ed what eas­i­ly fell into his hands.

You have no idea how many men of dif­fer­ent ages have con­fessed to me that they chose their wives because they did­n’t go to bed with them on the very first night they met. Do you find this strange? And why? Today, men do not want to mar­ry easy women in the same way that they did not want to do it two cen­turies ago — because human nature does not change!

I can imag­ine how some­one is now snort­ing at me and half-con­temp­tu­ous­ly throws to a friend: “And from which chest did this moth­balled moth flut­ter out?” It’s okay, noth­ing will fall off my wings, so I’ll con­tin­ue.

If a man does not want to marry

Is it a ques­tion? I mean, what to do if a man doesn’t want to mar­ry you in any way, although you have been togeth­er for many years? Col­lect his belong­ings and send him in the direc­tion from which he appeared on your hori­zon. (Don’t for­get to give him the tooth­brush and shav­ing blades so he does­n’t have a rea­son to both­er you again). Or — pack your things in your favorite suit­case, throw your pair of keys to his apart­ment off the bal­cony, go out­side and say to your­self: “I am a free woman!”

If you sus­pect­ed that this man did not want and was not going to mar­ry, why did you waste your life on him? A man can have chil­dren at 60 or 80 years old. The bio­log­i­cal age of a woman is cat­a­stroph­i­cal­ly short­er. But even if you did not want to have chil­dren (which I doubt), for the sake of which you threw under the feet of this per­son those hap­py occa­sions, those inter­est­ing acquain­tances, those new meet­ings and oppor­tu­ni­ties to get mar­ried that you could have if you were free? After all, you want­ed to have a hus­band next to you, and not a room­mate or lover — oth­er­wise you would not have asked why he would not mar­ry you. Is not it?

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Just please don’t tell me you loved him. Love pre­sup­pos­es the equal­i­ty of the spir­it and feel­ings, oth­er­wise it is a flawed depen­dence.

Why doesn’t he want to get married?

Why? If you are cohab­it­ing, he does not want to mar­ry you for the sim­ple rea­son that he does not see the point in it. What will change — except that one more stamp will be added to the pass­port? Men rarely mar­ry women with whom they have lived sim­ply as part­ners for many years. So in this case, there should sim­ply be no con­fu­sion as to why he, the scoundrel, does not mar­ry you in any way.

I know more than one exam­ple when a young girl her­self drove her­self into a trap of cohab­i­ta­tion with her peer, also peri­od­i­cal­ly won­der­ing why the guy did not want to mar­ry her. After 10–15 years, this young guy turned into a young man who met and start­ed a fam­i­ly with a com­plete­ly dif­fer­ent cho­sen one. And his for­mer cohab­i­tant — no longer a young girl — sud­den­ly real­ized that it is incred­i­bly more dif­fi­cult for a woman at 35 to get mar­ried than a 25-year-old.

Why doesn't he marry

If you don’t live togeth­er, but just date for many years, then let me ask you the fol­low­ing ques­tion. Has it ever occurred to you at all that if a man does not want to mar­ry any woman, it sim­ply means that he does not love this woman at all?

… I still do not under­stand who and why decid­ed that men do not want to mar­ry. Of course they fall in love, of course they get mar­ried, of course they have chil­dren. And among my acquain­tances there are quite a few young mar­ried cou­ples in which hus­bands adore their wives. What’s the secret? Men love those women who love them­selves. And who, in response to the pro­pos­al: “Let’s live togeth­er!” shrug their shoul­ders and answer: “Why? If we get mar­ried, then we will live togeth­er.”

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