crises of family life by years

Ide­al fam­i­lies do not exist. No mat­ter how hard peo­ple try to believe in eter­nal love and no mat­ter how they take an oath of alle­giance, even the sky is nev­er cloud­less. This means that quar­rels, grind­ing and dis­cord in mar­ried life are almost inevitable. But it’s one thing to expect anoth­er black streak in a rela­tion­ship with hor­ror, and it’s quite anoth­er to know about the pat­terns of liv­ing togeth­er and be able to smooth out con­flicts even before they appear. That is why the top­ic of fam­i­ly crises will nev­er lose its rel­e­vance.

Characteristics of family life crises

As one proverb says: he who is armed is fore­warned. Fam­i­ly life is not always pre­dictable, but knowl­edge of the psy­chol­o­gy of rela­tion­ships has already saved many cou­ples and it is dif­fi­cult to argue with this fact. The waves that the ship of fam­i­ly life encoun­ters are very dif­fer­ent. Ini­tial­ly, enter­ing into an alliance, two dif­fer­ent peo­ple are doomed to addic­tion, grind­ing, minor and major dis­agree­ments and uphold­ing their opin­ions and inter­ests. These nuances are super­im­posed by the birth of chil­dren, grow­ing up, liv­ing con­di­tions and qual­i­ty of life, and oth­er oth­er rea­sons due to which a mar­i­tal cri­sis may occur. That is why it is impor­tant to know what to be pre­pared for and why cer­tain peri­ods of life togeth­er can become prob­lem­at­ic. So, accord­ing to most psy­chol­o­gists and accord­ing to sta­tis­tics, the crises of fam­i­ly life over the years look like this.

The crisis of the first year of family life

This peri­od is char­ac­ter­ized by the young spous­es get­ting used to a friend, to the fea­tures and habits, as well as behav­ior in every­day life. The lap­ping begins, dur­ing which the for­mer feel­ings are no longer so bright, which often fright­ens the cou­ple. In addi­tion, mutu­al reproach­es and quar­rels begin, as the ideas and stan­dards of fam­i­ly life begin to col­lapse and turn out to be not at all what the spous­es imag­ined.

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What to do? To sur­vive this peri­od more or less smooth­ly, the spous­es must learn to dis­trib­ute respon­si­bil­i­ties among them­selves, make deci­sions togeth­er and try to com­pro­mise in any dis­putes.

Crisis 3 years of family life

Three years lat­er, the spous­es begin to depend on each oth­er and do their best to change some­thing in their lives. Some start com­mu­ni­cat­ing with old acquain­tances, oth­ers try to change jobs, and so on. Also, the cri­sis of fam­i­ly life, when it turns 3 years old, is char­ac­ter­ized by the fact that most cou­ples have chil­dren. Not every­one reacts equal­ly to the respon­si­bil­i­ty that falls on their shoul­ders. Moth­ers, com­plete­ly absorbed by their chil­dren, accuse their hus­bands of inat­ten­tion and lack of care, and they, in turn, feel super­flu­ous and not need­ed.

What to do? So that the rela­tion­ship does not dete­ri­o­rate, dur­ing this peri­od it is impor­tant to pre­serve your­self as the per­son that your soul­mate once liked. When it comes to rais­ing a joint child, you need to learn to trust each oth­er in this dif­fi­cult process and at the same time not to for­get that in addi­tion to the child there are still feel­ings and do some­thing nice for each oth­er.

Crisis of family life 5–7 years

Hav­ing lived togeth­er for a cer­tain num­ber of years, and hav­ing estab­lished a life, the part­ners begin to cool down to each oth­er. To a greater extent, this applies to men for whom the body of the spouse is already con­sid­ered a read book, or they com­plain that the rela­tion­ship has lost its for­mer romance. At this time, the great­est num­ber of betray­als hap­pen, which allow the spous­es to feel their for­mer pas­sion again. There is also a peri­od of career growth for women who have been at home for a long time with a child. Emo­tion­al upsurge and the desire to change every­thing do not coin­cide with the aspi­ra­tions of a man, which can lead to dis­as­trous con­se­quences.

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What to do? In this sit­u­a­tion, each of the part­ners must decide not to play a race to see who earns more than any­one or makes a career. The best way out of the cri­sis may be the free­dom of choice giv­en by the spous­es to each oth­er, i.е. life accord­ing to the prin­ci­ple: “If you want to pos­sess, let go.” Return­ing old feel­ings is not the best idea. It is bet­ter to update them with a joint vaca­tion or roman­tic home evenings.

Family crisis 10 years

This also includes the cri­sis of fam­i­ly life at 12 and 13 years old. It would seem that after a long time, noth­ing can shake the fam­i­ly way. How­ev­er, dur­ing this peri­od, each of the spous­es begins a per­son­al midlife cri­sis, forc­ing them to look back and eval­u­ate what has been done in life. Many are afraid that there is too lit­tle time left and that they need to start life from scratch. This is the sec­ond acute moment, in which, in the pur­suit of youth, the spous­es begin to cool off towards each oth­er and change.

What to do? At the moment of the onset of per­son­al intro­spec­tion, there is no need to go into your­self. It is bet­ter to solve these prob­lems and life claims togeth­er. It is impor­tant for spous­es to become even more sup­port for each oth­er than before. For 10–13 years it is dif­fi­cult to main­tain pas­sion, but becom­ing true friends and not quar­rel­ing over tri­fles is a com­plete­ly doable task.

Crisis 20 living together

It is char­ac­ter­is­tic that the peri­od of the “emp­ty nest” begins with the spous­es — the chil­dren have grown up and scat­ter around, and if only they kept the fam­i­ly togeth­er, then a crack may appear in the mar­riage.

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ideas for home, studio and outdoor activities

What to do? It is impor­tant for spous­es to remem­ber that the depar­ture of chil­dren from home is a great oppor­tu­ni­ty to start a rela­tion­ship anew, as it was in youth. As for inti­mate rela­tion­ships, it is quite pos­si­ble to try some­thing new and exper­i­men­tal in bed. And to main­tain a good rela­tion­ship, it is enough to treat your part­ner with ten­der­ness and atten­tion.

In addi­tion to the above, there are so-called abnor­mal fam­i­ly crises.crisis 7 years of marriage They are asso­ci­at­ed with the per­son­al and psy­cho­log­i­cal prob­lems of a sin­gle per­son. For exam­ple, if he has not matured as a per­son, has men­tal trau­ma, etc. At this moment, such a per­son needs help and sup­port from a part­ner. Or, in extreme cas­es, the help of a psy­chol­o­gist.

In any case, know­ing that dif­fi­cult moments can occur dur­ing cer­tain peri­ods of life togeth­er, you should be pre­pared for them. As soon as the feel­ing of anoth­er cri­sis comes, you need to gath­er strength and trans­fer rela­tions in a new direc­tion. Remem­ber that love does not go away with age. It changes and allows spous­es to make new dis­cov­er­ies in rela­tion­ships.