Most likely, you did not choose such a man. At first he just drank. And in principle, you could like him: cheerful, witty, knows how to control himself. You thought you’d see him like this on holidays: the life of the party, though not quite sober. However, after the wedding, he did not stop denying himself alcohol. And he was all the same cheerful, until that moment, until he realized — you don’t like him like that at all anymore. And even more than that — he feels that you are ready to make him choose: either me or alcohol …
How is the situation developing further?
If you love your husband, then most likely you are trying to help him. You slip brochures about the dangers of alcohol and even business cards from doctors who promise to deal with the problem. However, it seems to you that the husband ignores the hints, and desperately refuses to admit the problem. He gets irritated and tries to drink in secret from you. You may start thinking about how to divorce your alcoholic husband, because living with him becomes unbearable. Maybe your husband becomes jealous and may abuse you. If you survive this stage, then, most likely, the next one will come: he will ask you for forgiveness in the morning and promise not to drink. Perhaps the picture seems too gloomy to you. And hopeless.
Of course, it is easiest to leave an alcoholic husband, but let’s think about how to get rid of him in another way. Solving the problem of how to help an alcoholic husband is the topic of our today’s article.
Recognition of responsibility
Let’s think about why your husband drinks. Yes, maybe genes, maybe work suggests, or friends like that… We often look for reasons in the outside world, but in this article we suggest you take a different approach. Look for the reason… in yourself. Of course you didn’t want your husband to drink. And perhaps tried to be the best wife in the world. And of course it’s not your fault. However, this does not mean that you could not attract an alcoholic.
If a man refuses to find the problem himself and admit responsibility, you should not think about what to do and how to deal with an alcoholic husband. The struggle makes you lose strength and forget yourself in a new portion of booze. Take responsibility for yourself: not for your husband’s addiction to alcohol, but for his (husband’s) presence in your life.
Responsibility is not the same as guilt
Accepting responsibility does not mean that you should blame yourself for what happened. An alcoholic husband is most often evidence that a woman does not love herself. Does not love in the global sense of the word, does not accept. Causes subconscious aggression.
Look at your husband with different eyes
If you are determined to save your family, but do not know how to live with an alcoholic husband, try to imagine his illness in a different way. His soul is sick, and alcohol helps him. Not every remedy is good. However, put before yourself another formulation: you are treating a sick soul, not alcoholism. Alcoholism is just a consequence. Think about it What emotional state does your husband want to get when he drinks?
Perhaps in this case he becomes the soul of the company? Does he lack attention? Courage? When drunk, does he become affectionate? See if you can give him the emotional state he’s looking for without alcohol. If necessary, enlist the help of a family psychologist who specializes in such cases.
How to cure an alcoholic husband? Give love. Not all-forgiving and all-accepting, but self-love. If you love yourself enough and accept yourself enough, then such a man has no place in your life. Thus, either the prefix “alcoholic” or “alcoholic husband” should disappear entirely.
How to leave an alcoholic husband?
Pity is one of the most common reasons why a woman tolerates a man who has long been left without her love. Most likely, the man will put pressure on this point, tearfully promising that the situation will not happen again. However, if the previous conversations (with an attempt to find out the root cause) did not lead to anything, and you yourself are ready to break off the relationship, then a firm decision is needed. Leave right:
- another conversation can make your heart tremble, so it’s best to pack your things and leave the house. Do not torture yourself with thoughts of how he is there without you. Everyone is responsible for his own life;
- try to warn mutual friends in advance so that they do not tell you about his breakdowns and pleas to return. Leave bad thoughts with your husband;
- leave the divorce to the lawyers. Try to keep communication with your husband to a minimum;
- worry about your safety: move to friends, do not be alone. Especially — if in a state of intoxication the husband was prone to violence;
- fill your head with other thoughts. Sign up for a foreign language course, dance or yoga. The latter will allow you to relax and let go of the situation;
- take care of the kids. Children have a hard time in a family of alcoholics, and perhaps you spent too much energy on fighting, and not on raising offspring. In no case do not hush up the problem, talk to children, but avoid accusations. It is best to seek help from a specialist.